Sometimes I annoy myself

So tomorrow I'm flying to Vegas for work. Sounds like fun right? Warmer weather, casinos, shows...right. I HATE FLYING! I swear I get nervous just booking my flights. I'll pretty much be a wreck all day tomorrow until we finally land in Vegas. Then I'll actually be able to eat something. Then I have to do it all over again on Wednesday when we come home. Why do I have to hate it so much? I wish I would just freak out at the airport, have some major panic attack and just be sent home...nobody wants that crazy bitch on the plane. But no, I hold it all inside and act like everything is completely fine. When really, inside I just want to pass out or throw up or something. Oh and of course there's a layover...so I have to take off twice! Take off is the worst for me. When I'm up there I tend to calm down a little, but I'm still on edge during the entire flight. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And that's why I annoy myself sometimes. It's definitely a control issue for me. I like to be in control and in a plane, I can't be.